doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
