Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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