You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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