Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize