If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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