I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
