My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
