Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
