I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's like heaven, but drunker
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
