dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
