That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
