absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
