I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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