i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
