I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize