I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
