his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
