he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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