Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
