On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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