I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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