She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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