How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
