There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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