You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
