After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
