its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
