I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
