between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
