I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
