don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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