I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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