I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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