I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
