I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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