Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
