Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
