My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize