Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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