If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
