When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
