hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
