I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Farmville is her only friend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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