Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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