It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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