Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
