Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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