pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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