y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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