Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
