throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
