she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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