I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
