rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
