You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
