it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
