I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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