hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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