oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
did you just send me my own nude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
