so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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