med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
