Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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