if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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