yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
