I am in a vortex of obligation.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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